Eat.

Gently fry sausages, until they turn lazily in the oil.
"Don't - Emma the sausages are unraveling!"
Core a savoy cabbage, discarding also the bunched outer leaves. Shred the edible ones finely.
"I've never cooked cabbage before... I'm not sure how this will end".
Carefully peel the potatoes, letting the blade glide through the pale, creamy root.
"Don't hit me with the pan" "I wasn't going to!"
Chop. Place in pan and simmer with salt.
"They go to water so easily. Watch them".
Mince a clove of garlic and fry in a lidded saucepan with half an oxo cube and the chopped bacon.
"Sorry! Did that one hit you?"
Add the shredded cabbage to the pan with a spoonful of water. Lid, and shake occasionally to keep things free and easy. Let it steam.
"I miss Jonny" "We all miss Jonny".
Open a can of cheapest bitter.
"Don't drink that. Slugs refuse to drink that".
Soften thinly sliced onions in the microwave.
"They smell like barbecue onions".
Add to cooked sausages. Dash the best part of the bitter into the frying pan.
Whoosh. Bubble.
Allow to reduce, adding mustard, salt pepper and corn flour.
"Which mustard should I use? Oh wait, that one's not open".
Drain potatoes.
"Do you have a colander?" "We have several..."
Mash potatoes.
"We need a manly man" "We are all equally manly"
Serve sausages and mash. Reserve sauce in a jug. 
"That's smelling good"
Tip steamed cabbage and bacon into the hot frying pan. Crisp.
"Yes! I knew that would work... my mum uses a wok".
Serve greens. Serve gravy.
"Would you like some wine? ... How have you never had wine?"
Grace.
Thanksgiving.
Raise cutlery.
"Pass the greens, please"
Recall how wonderful it is to have friends like these.
"The mince pies are nearly ready"
Eat.